Everything is going just fine – we’re having a baby girl (if you haven’t heard) and I’m still doing good in school & internship. We are looking forward to Spring/Summer all the time!

Ways to keep in touch until I figure out what to do with this place (bookmark these, just in case):
Formspring | Twitter | Facebook

Just make sure if you add me as a friend on something, you let me know who you are!

No worries friends/family, all is well! And I miss you guys, too!

I gotta figure out what to do with this space.

Chihuahuas are not a dog park type dog… well, not usually. They are very loyal to their owners, and rarely do they like other people the same way. Some people think it’s “Little Dog Syndrome” but her personality is too big for that. If someone comes near me too quickly or with a raised voice, Millie puts herself in between myself and them and bites, growls, or jumps at them… doing anything she can to protect me from what she perceives as a threat. Sometimes she just doesn’t want people to touch me because she’s feeling particularly clingy. I can relate because I also bite, growl, and jump at people who come at B like that.

Hahahahaha kidding… (not really)

Ever since I’ve been pregnant, a lot of people have asked how I think she’s going to be with the baby. B and I worried at first, thinking she might try to nip at it, or would not know what was happening & freak out.

But then something remarkable started happening.

As my sickness increased and my belly began to bulge, Mimi began noticing differences in me. She began draping her body across mine as I slept or laid, and couldn’t seem to sleep without touching me. Sometimes when I’d be throwing up, she’d come into the kitchen & stand outside the bathroom, and wait for me to say, “I’m okay,” before she went back onto the couch. She even… get this… licks my tears.

It is like a Hallmark special constantly up in my house.

She could sense that things were changing & that I needed her help more than ever.

Now that my belly is getting even bigger, she has taken to laying on it or close to it. My belly is never a place she really laid before, so this is a new behavior and I’ve noticed she’s sometimes very stubborn when I try to move her. For 8lbs, she can make her little body contort into a concrete statue & refuse to budge. Sometimes she tries to stand on my belly to “protect” her ground, and also because she likes to be the tallest object in the room, apparently.

So when people ask do I think she’ll hurt the baby… or do I think she’ll not realize it’s a part of me… well… look for yourself & you can decide:

Something tells me she’s not going to be a huge threat…

I like jumping on bandwagons. Especially on days where all I’ve done is eat Salt & Vinegar chips & lettuce with Italian dressing smothering it. I needed to lighten things up around here after the last post which made me cry over & over again.

Read answers live. That’s the fun part.

We are taught (of course) to disconnect in a certain way with our clients, while also remaining connected. It’s a delicate balance that can topple easily in either direction, and for the most part last semester, I was able to remain sane through all the stories the girls told me about their lives.

This semester, I’m struggling a little more listening to the stories of abuse, neglect, separation and loss, substance use… just all of it. When a 13 year old tells you about their life, and it sounds like an action movie you & your partner would dress up & go pay to watch, it… kind of starts making you a little bitter. I don’t know how else to explain it. It’s something that must be self-monitored, otherwise burn-out is inevitable.

Anyway… the recent going-ons in Haiti are just devastating (what do you say about it, really?) and I can’t sit here and ridiculously act like I cared a whole lot about Haiti before. But I can tell you that I’m praying for those people, and I hope everyone is helping out how they can. I just can’t fathom what it must be like over there right now.

I’d also like to use this disaster to gently remind us all that there are a lot of things going on right here in the United States that need attention as well. They may not be as immediate, but I know many of you give to programs that feed children across the world, help them get adopted, etc. and I’d also like you to consider adding some American programs to your list if you haven’t yet. I think sometimes we overlook the children right here at home, and it is evidenced by the financially-strained residential programs and lengthy & often disorganized adoption procedures.

While you’re feeling humanitarian-ish, I want to ask that you Google your local mental health programs for troubled children and teenagers. See if there is anything they can use from you (residential programs often need board games, couches & chairs, any extra paint you may have left over, people to volunteer to help clean/build, etc.). The residents usually love it when people come in and watch a movie with them, or play a video game with them, etc.

There are also many children and teenagers out in the community that go home to an empty house. I would suggest looking at After-School and mentoring programs to see if you might be able to volunteer some time with them.

I think it’s great to help people all around the world, and I don’t want to over-shadow the unbelievable tragedy in Haiti, but I think it’s equally as important to pay attention to what’s going on here at home. We can’t just pull together after disaster. So let’s help all the people we can, even if it’s just by saying a little prayer.

- Wake up around noon. Eat a bowl of cereal. Potty Millie. Brush teeth. Go back to sleep.

- Wake up anywhere from 1pm to 3pm. Eat waffles, grapes, peaches, or strawberries with whipped cream. Take vitamin.

- Internet. TV. Magazine Reading. Book reading. Pottying Millie. Mail checking. Eating of some form of beef, spaghetti, macaroni and cheese, cucumbers, probably a granola bar somewhere in there. Drinking of tons of water. Pottying myself repeatedly.

- Bribe ask B to go get us something to eat. Usually it’s mashed potatoes, corn and grilled chicken from KFC or a salad and sandwich from somewhere else. Clean a little while he’s gone so he doesn’t plot his revenge while I’m sleeping. Eat like I’m famished.

- Nap. Sometimes for 2 hours. By this time it’s like 6pm. Wake up and woller around in self-pity.

- Internet. Tv. Magazine reading. Book reading. Pottying Millie. Maybe eat some ice cream, or another bowl of cereal, or a pudding cup for the calcium. Complain.

- Get hungry again. Maybe finally shower and go for a late night dinner out somewhere, with wet hair and crappy t-shirt on. Not before pottying Millie.

- Stay up the rest of the night watching TV until I can fall asleep, which isn’t usually until 2 or 3am right now.

But this is all about to change. Starting this week I begin my new internship 3 days a week, along with class on the weekends. IT’S ABOUT TO GET SURIOUS UP IN HERE!

No but really. If I’m already exhausted and I’m doing nothing all day/everyday besides planning what food I can stomach next, I have no idea where I’m going to pull this energy from. I am excited to be some sort of productive citizen again, however. I feel like I am growing moss on my body, so hopefully a little movement will shake some off.

However… I have always looked good in green…

This isn’t going to be as effective in writing, but Ashie has this thing where if she’s feeling sassy, she begins using a New York accent. She becomes quite snobbish in tone, and sometimes it slips out when introducing herself to new people. My friend Britt & I never let Ashie live this down, because once we introduced her to some girls that had come over for a party and she reluctantly stuck out her hand and said:

Britt & I just looked at each other like, “Did she really just say that?” And Ashie flipped her hair and walked out of the room.

The funny part is, she’s not really a snob at all (well, unless she wants to be) she just transforms her voice into one when she feels like it.

So, once again, she was pulling my hair harshly to the side and finding imperfections and shouting them out to me. “Guh-ray. Oh. Here’s another guh-ray. Guh-ray. Another one!”

Finally I had to make her stop after like 10.

Anyway, I have decided to start taking better care of my hair. More conditioner (even though it causes my neck to break out), the occasional trim for split ends (did you know I NEVER trim my hair – like EVER – I either cut it all off or let it grow), and also maybe I will brush it more… who knows. Mostly, I really need a dye job, a rich brown that matches my natural color, but will tie together all the other ones floating around up in my coif. Unfortunately, some people think dying your hair when pregnant is going to kill your baby, so of course I’m weighing the risks/benefits.

So far, in all the studies I’ve read, there are no risks, especially in the second trimester, but you know…

Maybe I can just dye it with Koolaid. Then our baby will come out fat, endearing, and happy.

And with my fashion style, no less!

On the way back, one of our neighbors rolled down his car window (he was going about about 5 mph which made his approach toward us slow & dramatic) and screamed, “WE GET TO BE KIDS AGAIN!!!!” and fist pumped the air. It was glorious.

“Let’s suppose somebody abused you sexually. You still had a choice, though not a good one, about what to tell yourself about the abuse.”
-Albert Ellis

As a counselor, I (of course) see the benefits of practicing Cognitive-Behavioral theory (CBT) with clients. However, with formal training and exposure to many other theories, I also see the equal value in Feminism theory, Person-Centered Approach, Choice theory, Psychodynamic theory, Family Systems theory, etc. etc. etc. As someone who has been on both sides of CBT, I can’t practice solely from it without hesitations.

CBT never really worked that well on me. I mean, it helped some with symptom control, but I was never able to tolerate the huge amount of mental exertion it requires on a regular basis. For someone who generally worries about everything, correcting catastrophic thoughts, positive self-talk, visual imagery, etc. can be exhausting and disheartening. Not to mention, self-esteem wise… CBT really sucks, to be lax in my vocabulary. I’m bold enough to say that out loud. It really makes you second guess everything you’re doing/saying. It is basically a theory that says you are making yourself feel like crap, and it’s all your fault that you’re feeling this way… now fix it. Here’s how. That’s exaggerating a little of course (it wouldn’t be my blog without exaggeration, folks), but many counselors would agree.

When we are taught to use CBT, we are taught to train (cringe) and modify someone’s behavior and thoughts. We help them restructure themselves by pointing out all their distortions. It makes me feel like I’m pointing my finger at the client and saying, “This is wrong. This is wrong. This is wrong. Now think like this and everything will be okay.”

CBT is unfortunately one of the only theories backed by a huge amount of research (all practiced theories are backed by some), which is mostly because it’s one of the only theories that can be measured scientifically. Because of this, it is favored by insurance and the medical community. This frustrates many of us that are a tad bit more humanistic, but we deal with it because we understand that sometimes a client’s symptoms must be controlled long enough to get to the real issues. Unfortunately, the trend I’ve seen with CBT is that many clients don’t ever really seem… healed. They just seem to be… sustaining themselves. Trained.

The Carl Rogers in me thinks there is so much more.

One of the most satisfying experiences I know is fully to appreciate an individual in the same way I appreciate a sunset. When I look at a sunset…I don’t find myself saying, ‘Soften the orange a litle more on the right hand corner, and put a bit more purple along the base, and use a little more pink in the cloud color…’ I don’t try to control a sunset. I watch it with awe as it unfolds.
-Carl Rogers (Person-Centered Approach)

Pros of CBT
-Research backed and evidence-based
-Quick relief with anxiety/phobia symptoms
-Homework allows therapy to be conducted outside of sessions
-Can provide essential insight for child/adolescent clients
-Outcomes can be measured and generally show improvement
-Brief, and therefore relatively inexpensive

Cons of CBT
-Dangerous parent/teacher/authoritative vibe
-Relief can be superficial and short-term
-Assigns huge amount of responsibility to client
-Emotions and thoughts aren’t always validated
-Sometimes the research is biased
-Doesn’t view the person holistically
-Disregards client’s background and history
-Does not focus highly on relationship with therapist*

* The relationship with your therapist is shown, over and over in studies, to be the factor that encourages the most change, no matter what theory is being used. That relationship is essential. This is the reason I always encourage people who have disliked their therapist to keep trying.

The best description I have heard of CBT is, “It’s like a diet for your mind, you have to keep up with it constantly in order for it to work, or you gain the weight right back.”

Our friend Ashie just spent the last few days with us, and became our live-in nanny over that period of time. My husband had apparently had secret conversations with her where he urged her to drive up here and take care of me, in my state of viral infectioned, hormonally-challenged pregnancy haze. Ashie took notice and helped me clean house, did 200 loads of laundry, and sat in her blue chair while we watched movies, teased people about Tim Tebow, and ate bowls of cereal.

One thing I love about Ashie is that she doesn’t have to be entertained. She just likes being in the same room as us… she’s a content person to be around. We don’t have to go out to eat every 10 seconds, we don’t have to talk about politics, and we don’t have to fake conversation. We just… sit. And it’s nice.

Millie agrees.